Label: Rockhit Records - RHR 007 • Format: CD Album, Stereo • Country: Germany • Genre: Rock • Style: Punk, Ska
Defector Reviews and Articles. For Christ sake where do I even The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails with this? I struggled immensely to make it to the final credits of Hologram Man, as this film took approximately four hours to watch, during two separate sittings, over two days.
This is not normal for a 97 minute film. But then again, Hologram Man is not a normal film. My slipping in to a time-vortex and wasting my weekend was not the result of the movie failing to capture and hold my attention, however. Oh no, Hologram Man would never let that happen. As such, the movie had to be paused probably every ten seconds or so, just to figure out what the fuck it was doing so I could take notes. So as Sin Titulo 3 - Sociedades En Tetra Brik & Graphices Artis - Intitulado begin writing this review I have a sore wrist and back pain, worse than usual.
Despite my swollen brain and wankers-cramp, I must admit that Hologram Man did indeed start as it meant to go on. Let me describe for you, should your local canals and ponds be out of stock of Hologram Man, the opening scenes. The very first shot of the film is of the burning wreckage of a pre-exploded police car. This lack of any tactical awareness, as insane as it is, at least sets the general tone Lilac - Justice For The Damned - Dragged Through The Dirt things.
As people continue to stand still and shoot each other…. There is an awesome tracking shot of the good The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails getting busy with assault rifles, set to swelling music. Even more swelling music kicks in, and in the span of literally 50 secondseights cars and all the people ever are blown sky high in a glorious display of pyrotechnic stupidity. The good guys eventually win etc. Including of opening credits. That happens too. So what is this film actually about?
It presumably does have a story, right? Yeh, I guess. Slash Gallagher is evil! Before this happens, Slash wants to play Russian Roulette, but changes his mind after choosing himself to go first. Slash is also an idiot. Slash ends up in holographic prison? Shenanigans happen, and Slash is made in to a solid hologram. Slash then acquires new skin for his hologram body, and tries to take over the city. He ends up killing the good guy, but the good guy becomes a hologram himself, who then traps Slash Gallagher in a jar.
Is it okay if we just stop here? Bare with me here…. Early on, during the not-Airwolf governor assassination plan, nonsense occurs when the following ridiculously transparent ploy appears to work on the soon to be obliterated police department. Actually, come to think of it, why is he wearing a see-through eye-patch? Oh, right. So the actor can see what he is doing. This works as intended, as one single policeman in among the dozens that are being blown to bits all over the place, walks over to see if he can help, but instead gets shot in the chest by the now gleeful Eyepatch-Man.
In an attempt at some commendable self-control, the movie inserts pre-exploded cars in to the backgrounds of shots that were not there previously. This may accidentally destroy the continuity, but I prefer to believe that during editing they realised they had filmed an additional six hours of things blowing up, and out of professionalism, decided to cut thousands of other explosions from the film.
Slash, now minus his lady-friend, takes things a bit sorely, as one might. So, now holding the two hero cops up at gunpoint, Slash reloads his weapon while threatening to kill them.
But instead of taking this glaring opportunity to slap on the cuffs, our heroes just stand there and listen to his gibbering bad-guy crap. This directly results in one of them being killed. Norman The Beast is incarcerated in holographic prison, and everyone goes back to what they were doing.
This guy however…. So who really are the monsters? It turns out that Hat, who works at the holo-prison, and Eye-Patch are in cahoots and are about to free Slash from prison during his parole hearing. Just in case we forget that this is the future and not some pansy-ass present, the likes of which you still live in you worthless audience, we are shown depressing shots of cardboard-paneled soap box carts and are expected to be swept right Negusa Negast - Prince Far I - Megabit 25, 1922 - Dub to the magic of cinema.
Whilst random and incongruous explosions hog all Thank You Thank You - Roy Haynes - Quiet Fire screen time, simple things like a table of carefully placed empty tin cans are ignored.
If there was EVER a table of items that was patiently set up to be blown to pieces then this was it. But no.
Hero-Man uses it for cover pussy and no one pressed the squib detonator. Such a waste. Meanwhile, Slash busies himself playing Mortal Combat with himself and an extra…. Now determined to take down Slash, Dakota gets on with things. I think I mentioned previously that some new skin is applied to the hologram of Hologram Man so that he can touch things, even though he was already punching and kicking just fine. A brainless excuse for a scene occurs when Hero-Man, in an effort to practice showing Rodd Keith - I Would / My Fairy Queen, dons a pre-release Oculous Rift in a room full of Tron wallpaper….
And the movie starts to give up on trying to contain its haemorrhaging stupidity. Possibly my favourite scene in the movie happens when…how can I put this in to worlds in English? Slash Gallagher, who is still a hologram but looks completely normal, sticks a giant explosive bottle cap to the interrogation droid from Star Wars, then uses his shotgun as a baseball bat to send it flying in to a skyscraper, causing it to explode. Meanwhile, one of the best lines of dialogue is spoken when someone screams at Hat:.
Hat gets no love. As things continue, and in what I can honestly describe as slightly surprising, Hero-Man gets killed by Slash. But, because it would destroy the fabric of the universe if the credits ran, he is reincarnated in to a hologram. But, with skin, hair, and presumably cock, re-sculpted, the two of them get horny as you would and they fuck so ferociously that all her appliances explode.
In another example of award winning script-writing, the following which was probably not meant as to be viewed as sex talk but did immediately follow the hologram whisk porn is said to Hero-Man by Scientist-Woman.
When he emerges with his head looking like a breaded ham, he dies… beautifully. I know, I know. But seriously, by this stage I was The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails past trying to apply sense to anything, so just go with it.
He uses his newly discovered abilities to best Slash in an epic duel, and wins the day. Hero-Man wanders outside and, probably for contractual reasons, blows up one last car, except this car contains the mayor of the city who now, free of enemies, wants to become king.
Then, absolutely definitely the best ever line of the movie is spoken. Cut to credits. Seriously, describing the events of this movie was almost as exhausting as watching it. But why? So why do I feel like I deserve, and would happily accept a lobotomy? It has everything any human being could ever hope for…explosions, the future, a death count in the hundreds, more explosions, virtual reality, and holographic fire-balls.
So why the hell was it such a chore? Am I the problem? Have I watched so much magnificent nonsense in my day that, like a primary school teacher who has done a twenty year stint and now hates The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails little fuckers, am jaded by it all? Actually, I The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails I know exactly what it was.
It was the explosions. Yes, I think it had too many… if I actually type these words will I explode? It would seem that Hologram Man has proven once and for all that it is possible to feature too many things that go boom boom in one movie.
I Recovery - Olivia* - Physical the number of explosions that took place, diligently adding one to the counter every time an extra had his eyebrows singed, and never counting multiple angles of the same explosion. The results blew my mind.
The total explosion count for Hologram Man was a fairly staggering 33 explosions. For one movie. Given that this movie is 97 minutes long including start and end credits on average, an explosion occurs in Hologram Man….
Once every 2. That, is too much. Sorry explosions, but I got bored of you. After Maurice Jarre - Jarre By Jarre Film Themes Of Maurice Jarre, there can never be such a thing as too many explosions.
Reviews and Articles. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By using this form you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.
February 6 This movie also fails to provide any warning to epileptics Despite my swollen brain and wankers-cramp, I must admit that Hologram Man did indeed The Good Guys - Brainless Wankers - If Everything Else Fails as it meant to go on. See that thing behind you?
Intro - Ritual (14) - The Summoning, Break On Through (To The Other Side) - Various - 5 Track Sampler Taken From Forrest Gump The Soundtr, Less Mal - Fase Miusic Sender - Wake Up (File, MP3, MP3, MP3), Almost X - Various - There Is More